The Time I Laid Myself to Rest

I’m not sure how emotional this post will get, but let’s do it. This is both a personal journey & a raving review of The Sweet Repose Ritual candle by Doctor Witch.

About a year ago, I used a ritual candle meant to lay things to rest. This was my second time using this candle. It was during the Samhain season, and in my practice and many others, this is known as the “death of the year.” While you can perform this ritual at any time, I find it to be a perfect time during the season where we honor the death of the year and honor our ancestors who have gone before. 

I was going through a rough time in my life. I had a baby about a year and a half prior, and still had not been feeling back to myself. I was in a weird limbo of rediscovering the person I was before having her, and before becoming a mother in general. I was still nursing, while simultaneously not pouring into my cup the way I should have been, so I was tired literally all the time. My practice was also shifting as I navigated this transition period in my life. To put it very bluntly, I did not want to be here anymore, and this ritual saved my life by laying my spiritual body to rest, so that my physical body is still here to tell the tale. 

The Ritual

A few days before the working, the room felt cold. A huge chill paired with an eerie stillness. So much so that a friend of mine asked me what was going on because they too felt eerily cold. It almost felt like a cemetery, or as my friend put it, they felt like a corpse. I didn’t know what it meant, but I felt like my sister was near. I set up a makeshift cemetery on my altar. I had a candle for Hekate, Archangel Michael, and the elements. 

The day of the working, I just knew it was time. An ancestor of mine I had been working with showed up and literally said, “it is time.” And I knew what I had to do. It didn’t make sense at the time, but I trusted myself. I lit the candle and began to feel the energy around me. When it came time to decide what I was laying to rest, I thought of so many things. There were many things I was ready to change, and this was a time to shed my skin that I had outgrown so that I could step into the new version of myself that was ready to shine. And with that, I decided my entire old self must be laid to rest. 

After some time, under the guidance of my ancestors, I put the contents of the Sacred Fire spell jar (also created by Doctor Witch) into the flame and watched it ignite. I had no idea how this would manifest in my real world over the next few months, but I was ready.

The Next 4 Months

I’m going to be honest, it didn’t seem like much was happening at first. With magick, this is normal. While sometimes we do see immediate results, magick is something that works slowly. It weaves energy in a way beyond our comprehension, bringing us connections, opportunities and experiences that we never could have imagined possible. Sometimes our prayers take longer to manifest because the universe is giving us more than we asked for. And let me tell you, the universe delivered.

Within 3 months, my friendships blossomed. I fostered so much love within my community and felt like I was surrounded by a literal army. The ideas for my business were flowing. Some ideas, like this blog, have come to fruition, but so many others are still weaving their way into the real world. 

Eclipse Season

A seemingly unfortunate piece of this is that as we outgrow our old selves, things attached to them begin to fall off. And the harder we hold on, the harder the universe has to work to expel them to bring us our manifestations. I lost a lot during this time, and most of the time, I was okay with it. But others, I was lying to myself and hanging on for dear life.

Eclipses are known for “eclipsing” things out of and into our lives. If it’s gotta go, it’s gonna go, one way or another. If you’re hanging on to it too tightly, expect to be dragged with it until you let go. I’ll get into some more specifics of the Spring 2024 Eclipse season in the next blog, but to sum it up: I dug up buried secrets, I screamed my third eye open, my lights were shut off, I lost friends, I gained friends, and my community came through for me. 

A Year Later

Here I stand, a year later, after going through very many “I can’t do this anymore” moments. I found my voice, after being silenced my entire life. I have gotten back in tune with spiritual gifts that I had shut off thinking that I was insane. I strengthened my faith. My business received so much love and I ended up with insane opportunities that also allowed me to help friends. I got the opportunity to lead a ritual with Freya at Lunar Faire. I knew all of these things were on their way to me, but I had no idea how beautifully they would manifest. 

Shameless Plug

Here’s the part where I gush over one of the many people whose Magick saved me, or as they said to me, gave me the power to save myself. 

Meghan McSweeney, also known as Doctor Witch, is one of the most beautiful souls I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in this lifetime. The first time I met them, my sister was purchasing black salt at the second ever Lunar Faire. Then we vended an event together and my middle daughter was very drawn to the Sacred Fire spell jar that I conveniently found before my Sweet Repose ritual. 

Meghan’s energy was so powerful and so pure, and I was drawn to their craft. I wanted to learn more, and have taken many classes and participated in MANY rituals. I have purchased many a ritual candle and keep the manuals for my grimoire. When I am feeling most stuck, they always have a spell for me to blast through my obstacles or bring me back to my path. You’ll hear about how one of the times they guided me back to myself in the next blog. But for now, I just want to share just how much their magick has changed my life. 

The sheer amount of knowledge and wisdom this person possesses is out of this world. Through the shadows, they have guided me like a mother, and I have heard their voice in my head many times when I was feeling my lowest, urging me to pick up my sword and keep going. There were times where this was the only thing that kept me going, kept me fighting to rediscover my light. They helped me to remember that I too have a voice, and it is my duty to use it. And because of Meghan and the community that they built, I rediscovered my voice, my fire and who I am at my core, something no one will ever be able to take from me again. They showed me that magick is not just found in ritual, it is in everything we do, and most importantly, they taught me never to doubt my fucking magick.